Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Celluloid Virus?

Between sleeping 3-4 hours a night, going to kung fu, eating lots of crap and getting wacked out of mind a few times, going to TIFF wore me out. Even when it was over, I still didn't sleep, and didn't really rest, and eventually my body gave out. I got sick. I dad to take a day off of work, and even now, a week and a half later, I'm still sporting a sore throat. I know pity me, watching 30 or so movies over the course of 10 days is a hard life. But it got me thinking. What if I didn't wear my body out. What if I caught something from watching so much cinema, somekind of celluloid virus.

It's transmitted through sight. Somehow, much like Sadako and her transmission through videotape, this virus can only be transmitted when the image is projected on a screen. From there, the viral photons enter you retina, which is of course the most vulnerable part of the human body, giving the virus direct access to your brain. It quickly enters the nervous system, disrupting it, and spreads like wild fire through the body via the blood stream. Soon, the celluloid virus has a grip on you, 'le grip' as the French call it, and you collapse from exaustion. Your cells are forced into a repetitive cycle of viewing their own replication an infinite number of times, until they give out. The endoplasmic reticulum collapses. Your mitochondria become disrupted. There is no mitosis, or miosos, or osmosis. DNA and RNA form into one chain of mutated horror. The RDNA. If you don't get bed rest, you will die.

There is no cure. So please give generously to the celluloid virus fund. For inquiries, please email limeyninja@hotmail.com.

No comments: