Sunday, January 27, 2008

Monday, January 21st

I purchase my ticket for the Rambo Marathon. They say it's one night
only. And I imagine they mean it. This will never happen again in the
history of the universe!

Thursday, January 24th

I leave work and head for the theatre formally known as the Paramount.

I take my seat. I have with me 2 bean burritos, 2 Guru iced honey green tea
drinks, 1 Aquafina + blackberry/grape, 1 almond fudge Cliff Bar and 1 Ruth's
ginger chocolate maca power bar.

First Blood begins as scheduled. No previews. No commercials. Just
straight to the film.

I realize that David Caruso is in this movie. Probably his best role ever.

The first and only kill of First Blood takes place when Bill McKinney falls
from the helicopter.

Credits roll. I run to the bathroom and ponder the film. It was great to
see First Blood on the big screen. While this, like all Rambo films,
features John Rambo taking on a vast number of men and defeating them
using guerilla tactics, First Blood has Stallone acting at his best. Say what
you will, people laughed at all points of the film, except for Stallone's speech
at the end when he breaks down and cries like a little girl.

I arrive back in my seat. I now have 1 cheese pizza, 2 Guru iced honey
green tea drinks and 1 Ruth's ginger chocolate maca power bar.

First Blood part 2 begins. Again right on schedule.

Rambo is given his mission. Yes, it happens just that fast. That's what
makes this the 2nd best Rambo movie. Which is why it's First Blood part 2.

The first kill. Shortly after that is the one and only kiss Rambo ever
receives. Another reason Rambo is such a great icon. The man is obviously

Credits roll. I take a walk to stretch my legs. First Blood part 2 aka
Rambo 2 definetly shows how the films evolved as the 80's progressed. It was
1985. Stallone had to begin competing with Schwartznegger at this point.
This was the same year that the green beret masterpiece Commando was
released, so Stallone had to really step up. And step up he did. The
explosive tipped arrows are a nice touch. And 69 confirmed kills as opposed
to First Bloods 1. But still, this is no Commando.

I arrive back at my seat. They are giving away Rambo dogtags to people who
saw First Blood in theatres. I take stock of my supplies. 1 Guru iced honey green
tea drink and 1 Ruth's ginger chocolate maca power bar.

Rambo 3 begins. 5 minutes late.

The first kill is made. Up until this point, Rambo 3 takes the prize for
most kills, at 132, and yet it takes the longest amount of time for the
killings to start. Most interesting.

Credits roll. I run to the bathroom and ponder the film. Its 1988 at this
point. Stallone was in a panic. He'd followed Rocky 4, with Over the Top
and Cobra. Schwartzneggar had Predator, Red Heat, the Running Man.
Rambo 3 didn't fare too well. Hence no Rambo until 20 years later. But, I will
give the film credit. The first 3 films do show an evolution of John Rambo
and flow together nicely.

I take my seat. I now have 1 poutine, 1 Guru iced honey green tea drink,
and 1 bottle of water.

Finally, Rambo 4 begins. Oh, wait, no it doesn't. They show previews for
the remake of the Eye (which shows every possible spoiler and twist for the
film in the preview) and something else that was pretty forgettable.

Rambo begins.

The first kill. This new Rambo film doesn't mess around. 236 kills.
Although, this first kill isn't Rambo killing people. Many of the kills
aren't. This is the Burmese at their worst. And I do mean their worst.
This movie didn't work for me mostly because it doesn't fit with the other
three at all. The tone of it is completely different. In the first
three, they at least tried to humanize some of the bad guys. Tried to make
them somewhat likeable. Not in this film. The Burmese are depicted as pure
evil. The movie is basically an ad for the invasion of Myanmar.

The credits roll. I stumble out of the theatre. So much blood. The ending
of Rambo is a sight to behold. Really. Its utterly ridiculous. Rambo
marathon a complete success. The best night of my life.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

This Christmas I peed my pants.